Anger Management

Someone shared this with me today and made my Friday. I just gotta share it with you. Happy Friday, y’all!


When you occasionally have a really bad day,
And you just need to take it out on someone,
Don’t take it out on someone you know,
Take it out on someone you don’t know,
But you know deserves it.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying ‘Hello..’      
I politely said, ‘This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?’      
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear ‘Get the right f***ing number!’
And the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude. 
Then I tracked down Robyn’s correct number. To call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled ‘You’re an asshole!’
And hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word ‘asshole’ next to it. And put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, ‘You’re an asshole!’
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic ‘asshole’ calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, ‘Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I’m calling to see if you’re familiar with our Caller ID Program?’ 
He yelled ‘NO!’ and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, ‘That’s because you’re an asshole!’
And hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I’d been waiting for that spot. But the idiot ignored me. 

I noticed a ‘For Sale’ sign in his back window. So I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I’d better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, ‘Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?’ 
He said, ‘Yes, it is.’ 
I then asked, ‘Can you tell me where I can see it?’ 
He said, ‘Yes, I live at  34 Oaktree Blvd. , in  Fairfax. It’s a yellow ranch style house. The car’s parked right out in front.’ 
I asked, ‘What’s your name?’ 
He said, ‘My name is Don Hansen.’ 
I asked, ‘When’s a good time to catch you, Don?’ 
He said, ‘I’m home every evening after five.’ 
I said, ‘Listen, Don, can I tell you something?’ 
He said, ‘Yes?’ 
I said, ‘Don, you’re an asshole!’ 
Then I hung up,
And added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea…
I called asshole #1.
He said, ‘Hello’ 
I said, ‘You’re an asshole!’ (But I didn’t hang up.) 
He asked, ‘Are you still there?’     
I said, ‘Yeah!’ 
He screamed, ‘Stop calling me’ 
I said, ‘Make me.’ 
He asked, ‘Who are you?’ 
I said, ‘My name is Don Hansen.’ 
He said, ‘Yeah? Where do you live?’ 
I said, ‘Asshole, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd., in  Fairfax. A yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.’ 
He said, ‘I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.’ 
I said, ‘Yeah, like I’m really scared, asshole,’
And hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2.
He said, ‘Hello?’ 
I said, ‘Hello, asshole,’ 
He yelled, ‘If I ever find out who you are…’ 
I said, ‘You’ll what?’ 
He exclaimed, ‘I’ll kick your ass’ 
I answered, ‘Well, asshole, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.’
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oak Tree Blvd, in  Fairfax , to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oak Tree Blvd in  Fairfax. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. 

I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.   

Anger management really does work.


2 Responses to “Anger Management”

  1. I got it so many times and I still love it!!!

  2. Another driver makes an inappropriate hand gesture on the road. A parent screams at a child. A customer verbally abuses the cashier at the supermarket. A teacher yells at his or her student. These are all expressions of anger when we lose control. Fury is a hostile missal looking for a target. The intent of rage is to inflict pain and humiliation on a specific or undefined mark amid a flurry of self-righteous indignation. Unfortunately there exists within all but the righteous, a loose cannon with a fuse of varying lengths ready to fire a barrage. The angry person has lost all reason and is on a rampage of destruction with no impulse control. So, how do we tame this inner beast? Anger, which arises from the spiritual element of fire, is a function of arrogance. Therefore, management requires humility. This, however, immediately begs the question, “How does the arrogant person who frequently explodes into a rage become humble?” The process of change is one of replacement or substituting one thing for another. Humility and pride are opposite components existing within the divided soul – the first emanating from Godliness and the later from evil. Thus, even the most arrogant person has a potential for humility because every aspect of being has its opposite. Thus, it is possible for anyone, at any time, to engage in a single act of humility. When such a window of opportunity opens up, we can ask ourselves, “What else is possible?” and then learn how to give up being right and to dismantle the upset. More at

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